C'mon, we could all use one

Ppppplef. Bbbbbbleeeehb. Phhhhharrrrrt. Fart. No, not baby noises or wild duck calls. It's actually the cacophony and horrendous symphony that are created from bathroom sounds. Yes -- of those people doing their thing behind closed bathroom stalls. You'll have to strap down and tighten the belt on your olfactory senses -- because some of us just can't hold our breaths past the count of five. And unfortunately, the experience of public restrooms is also one of acoustics.

It was only a few months ago when I discovered the Asian ingenuity of none other than: The Etiquette Bell. At first glance, it appears to be an extraneous yet harmless door bell, stuck prominently above the toilet paper dispenser. During one bathroom break in a Tokyo office building, I happened to begin a typical scan of the stall's interior. Standard bathroom door, check. Soft toilet paper, check. Woa - fancy toilet with lots of buttons and incomprehensible characters...check. And hmm...what's this? A door bell?

I caught myself spending a tad much too time in there. I had flown all this way to Japan, not to write up articles for 'Home & Garden' or Home Depot. Instead, I was here on business. Quickly, I rushed out and went back to the board room.

But I found myself in another bathroom a few days later (after five cups of green tea this will happen to me) -- this time, a Korean one. There it was yet again! A little button with incorrigible foreign lettering, probably reading, 'Please press here immediately!'

This time, I didn't hesitate to push that little button. Like hearing the roar of a lioness for the first time on an African safari, I was astounded but instead, by the sound of tumbling, churning, and rolling water filling my ears. In fact, it almost sounded like, wait! -- like a flushing toilet! Haha! This apparently pre-recorded sound meant to help the current toilet occupant save face -- and her business! Right then and there, I almost burst out in laughter. How simple and amazing -- simply amazing.

I rushed out to let my American colleague in on the secret. She happened to have already tested it. We reached the conclusion that this was a technological addition to just the ladies' room. To save embarrassment from sound and fury, you could unleash your own, pre-produced rendition. The question was, why can't this also be an American phenomenon?

Just this past week, a 1,000 stall bathroom was opened in Chongqing, China. It will be the world's largest, state-run public restroom -- possibly added to the World Guinness Records. I just hope that its builders remembered to install 1,000 of The Little Etiquette Bells That Could.